When someone says “Let me know if you need anything”, it can be hard to know what to say. You might want company, a meal or one less job to think about. You might not know until tomorrow. There is room for all of that.
This is a practical starting point for parents and carers with a new baby. Take one idea that fits your household and leave the rest.
Start with one task
Try finishing this sentence: “Today would feel a little easier if someone could…” It does not need to be the biggest problem. A smaller request can be easier to explain and arrange.
- “Could you pick up the things on this short shopping list?”
- “Would you bring something we can reheat tomorrow?”
- “Could you put a wash on while you visit?”
- “Could you keep me company for half an hour? I would like a chat.”
These are examples, not a list you need to work through. Choose people you trust and tasks you are comfortable handing over.
Say what a visit would look like
You can welcome someone without hosting them. For example: “We would love a short visit on Thursday. Please make your own tea, and do not worry about the washing up.” Or: “Today is not a visiting day. Could we check in by message instead?”
If an offer is kind but not useful, try redirecting it: “Thank you. We have enough clothes for now. Help with dinner would mean a lot.”
Make the organising visible
If you are sharing care with another adult, write down a few jobs that need doing, including remembering supplies and arranging appointments. Agree who will take responsibility for each one. The person doing a job can also take on checking what it needs, where that is practical.
The NHS encourages parents to explain what support they need and to be clear with relatives and friends about the help they would welcome. Read its guidance on relationships after having a baby.
If there is nobody nearby to ask
You still deserve support. Coram Family Lives offers parenting and family support and explains its current contact options on its website. You can also raise questions about you or your baby with your midwife, health visitor or GP.
One thing to try today
Write one request using The help I could use worksheet. It can be as small as asking someone to check in tomorrow. You do not have to wait until you have run out of energy to ask.
More help for your family
